Stressed out at work? Can’t seem to find a way to fit it all in? Trying to have it all, do it all and balance it all? Stuck in a world full of guilt and lack of balance? Guilt because you dropped your kids off so early at daycare. Guilt because you have so much work to do that you can’t get it all done. Guilt. I struggle with balance and guilt on a daily basis. I have “Mom-guilt” every morning at drop off. “Work-guilt” comes in the form of my too-long to do list. “Friend guilt” visits me when I overhear others planning drinks with friends or going on “girls weekend.” And don’t forget to mention-- “Wife-guilt.” This hits when I look at my loving husband at the end of an exhausting day knowing that we should connect on some level, but going back to my chore or continuing working on my laptop, because I am just done. Guilt is my enemy and balance is something I crave, desire and strive for. Surely, I’m not alone.
The speed of life is faster than ever before. It’s really tough to achieve a work-home balance without feeling guilty all the time. The pressure we feel to have it all, do it all and make it look easy while achieving it all is suffocating. We are bombarded with “stress free” and “hassle free” messages, plans and dreams. In fact, an e-mail message stating, “STOP STRESS THIS MINUTE” just popped up on my screen. Really? Just looking at those all-caps words stresses me out! How can that email help me? I already read the best blogs, stay mostly organized, de-stress my life as much as I can, and try to be present with my family every night. I mean, even my Google drive and boards on Pinterest are organized. But, just as I feel like one area of my life is going great, I fail in another. I end up feeling more UNbalanced than ever before.
Don’t get me wrong. I have everything I’ve ever wanted--two beautiful girls, a husband who loves me, a challenging job, a beautiful home, friends and family who love to chat and socialize, and a pretty much “normal” busy life. The challenge before me to relax enough to enjoy the small moments and to live a guilt-free, balanced life.
Most nights after my husband and I put the girls to bed, I use my “me time” to scour the Internet looking for even more advice on how to balance and feel at peace. I find articles like 31 Reasons You Shouldn’t Feel Mom Guilt which I try to read, but get bored and distracted after the first few. Really 31 reasons? Don’t you think that’s a bit much? After glancing over that, I continue my search to help me find balance while working. I find that work-life is defined as a concept including proper prioritizing between "work" (career and ambition) and "lifestyle" (health, pleasure, leisure, family and spiritual development/meditation). Also, I found a great article that breaks it down to six tips on how to achieve a better work-life balance. That’s more like it.
According to Forbes contributor Deborah Jian Lee states in her article 6 Tips for Better Work-Life Balance, “Work-life balance means something different to every individual, but here health and career experts share tips to help you find the balance that’s right for you.”
These 6 tips remind me that I’m not alone and to keep trying to keep the guilt at bay while balancing my life. Check it out.
1. Let go of perfectionism: A lot of overachievers develop perfectionist tendencies at a young age when demands on their time are limited to school, hobbies and maybe an after-school job. It’s easier to maintain that perfectionist habit as a kid, but as you grow up, life gets more complicated. As you climb the ladder at work and as your family grows, your responsibilities mushroom. Perfectionism becomes out of reach, and if that habit is left unchecked, it can become destructive, says executive coach Marilyn Puder-York, PhD, who wrote The Office Survival Guide.
2. Unplug: From telecommuting to programs that make work easier, technology has helped our lives in many ways. But it has also created expectations of constant accessibility. The work day never seems to end. “There are times when you should just shut your phone off and enjoy the moment,” says Robert Brooks, a professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and co-author of The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence and Personal Strength in Your Life. Brooks says that phone notifications interrupt your off time and inject an undercurrent of stress in your system. So don’t text at your kid’s soccer game and don’t send work emails while you’re hanging out with family, Brooks advises. Make quality time true quality time. By not reacting to the updates from work, you will developing a stronger habit of resilience. “Resilient people feel a greater sense of control over their lives,” says Brooks, while reactive people have less control and are more prone to stress.
3. Exercise and meditate: Even when we’re busy, we make time for the crucial things in life. We eat. We go to the bathroom. We sleep. And yet one of our most crucial needs – exercise – is often the first thing to go when our calendars fill up. Exercise is an effective stress reducer. It pumps feel-good endorphins through your body. It helps lift your mood and can even serve a one-two punch by also putting you in a meditative state, according to the Mayo Clinic.
“When I talk about balance, not everything has to be the completion and achievement of a task, it also has to include self-care so that your body, mind and soul are being refreshed,” says Puder-York.
4. Limit time-wasting activities and people: First, identify what’s most important in your life. This list will differ for everyone, so make sure it truly reflects your priorities, not someone else’s. Next, draw firm boundaries so you can devote quality time to these high-priority people and activities.
From there, it will be easier to determine what needs to be trimmed from the schedule. If email or internet surfing sends you into a time-wasting spiral, establish rules to keep you on task. That may mean turning off email notifications and replying in batches during limited times each day. If you’re mindlessly surfing Facebook or cat blogs when you should be getting work done, try using productivity software like Freedom, LeechBlock or RescueTime. And if you find your time being gobbled up by less constructive people, find ways to diplomatically limit these interactions. Cornered every morning by the office chatterbox? Politely excuse yourself. Drinks with the work gang the night before a busy, important day? Bow out and get a good night sleep. Focus on the people and activities that reward you the most.
5. Change the structure of your life: Sometimes we fall into a rut and assume our habits are set in stone. Take a birds-eye view of your life and ask yourself: What changes could make life easier?
So instead of trying to do it all, focus on activities you specialize in and value most. Delegate or outsource everything else. Delegating can be a win-win situation, says Stewart Freidman, a management professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School and author of Leading the Life You Want: Skills for Integrating Work and Life. Freidman recommends talking to the “key stakeholders” in different areas of your life, which could include employees or colleagues at work, a spouse or a partner in a community project. “Find out what you can do to let go in ways that benefit other people by giving them opportunities to grow,” he says. This will give them a chance to learn something new and free you up so you may devote attention to your higher priorities.
6. Start small. Build from there. We’ve all been there: crash diets that fizzle out, New Year’s resolutions we forget by February. It’s the same with work-life balance when we take on too much too quickly, says Brooks. Many of his workaholic clients commit to drastic changes: cutting their hours from 80 hours a week to 40, bumping up their daily run from zero miles a day to five miles a day. It’s a recipe for failure, says Brooks. When one client, who was always absent from his family dinners, vowed to begin attending the meals nightly, Brooks urged him to start smaller. So he began with one evening a week. Eventually, he worked his way up to two to three dinners per week.
“If you’re trying to change a certain script in your life, start small and experience some success. Build from there,” says Brooks.
Doesn’t it seem simple? Just follow these six simple steps. Or just relax and enjoy life. I think that “balance” is in the eye of the beholder. “Life will always get busy, make time to do the things you love.” Lailah Gifty Akita, Beautiful Quotes